Missouri, Planet Earth, 1980: Meredith Quill (Laura Haddock) is riding in a car, listening to tunes on the radio with her boyfriend (Kurt Russell), whom she calls her "spaceman".
Meredith: [sings along with the song Brandy] There's a girl in this harbor town / And she works layin' whiskey down / They say, Brandy, fetch another round / She serves them whiskey and wine / The sailors say, Brandy, you're a fine girl.
They go behind a Dairy Queen and run into the woods where the man shows Meredith a small alien seedling, which he says will eventually be all over the place. He then kisses Meredith.
Meredith: I can't believe I fell in love with a spaceman.
34 years later: Sovereign.
The Guardians of the Galaxy, Peter Quill/Star-Lord (Chris Pratt), Gamora (Zoe Saldana), Drax (Dave Bautista), Rocket Raccoon (voice of Bradley Cooper), and Baby Groot (voice of Vin Diesel) are standing on a platform as they try to secure Anulax Batteries from their latest employers, the Sovereigns. The Guardians have their weapons ready as they gear up to battle an interdimensional beast known as the Abilisk.
Peter: Showtime, a-holes!
Rocket is teasing Drax who is not wearing any armor, cause it hurts his nipples.
Rocket: "My nipples hurt. Oh, goodness me!"
The Abilisk descends, leading the Guardians to spring into action, except for Groot, who is jamming out to "Mr. Blue Sky" on a speaker that Rocket set up, all while the others are trying to annihilate the Abilisk.
Gamora: Groot, get out of the way! You're gonna get hurt!
Groot waves at her.
Gamora: [smiling] Hi.
Gamora keeps firing. Drax ends up falling on the speaker, to Groot's dismay.
Drax: The beast's hide is too thick to be pierced from the outside. I must cut through it from the inside.
Gamora: Huh? No, no! Drax, wait a minute! Drax!
Drax charges at the monster, and leaps down its throat.
Peter: [horrified] What is he doing?
Gamora: He said the skin is too thick to be pierced on the outside. So he . . .
Peter: But that doesn't make any sense!
Gamora: I tried telling him that!
Peter: Skin is the same level of thickness from the inside as from the outside!
Gamora: I realize that.
Star-Lord notices a cut on the monster's neck and orders Rocket to get it to look up. Gamora then slices the Abilisk downward, killing it and letting Drax spill out of the hole.
Drax: [laughing] Yes! I have single-handedly vanquished the beast!
The Guardians bring the batteries back to the Sovereigns and meet with their High Priestess, Ayesha (Elizabeth Debicki).
Ayesha: Every citizen is born exactly as designed by the community. Impeccable, both physically and mentally. We control the DNA of our progeny, germinating them in birthing pods.
Peter: I guess I prefer to make people the old-fashioned way.
Ayesha: Well, perhaps someday you could give me a history lesson in the archaic ways of our ancestors. For academic purposes.
In exchange for the batteries, the Sovereigns deliver Gamora's sister Nebula (Karen Gillan) to the Guardians so that they can take her to Xandar and collect the bounty for her. Before they leave, Ayesha talks down to the Guardians, Peter in particular, noting his half-human/half-alien heritage gives him something she deems reckless.
Rocket: You know, they told me you people were conceded douchebags, but that isn't true at all.
Rocket winks at Peter in front of the Sovereign leader, Ayesha.
Rocket: Oh shit. I'm using my wrong eye again, aren't I? I'm sorry. That was meant to be behind your back.
The Guardians leave, with Rocket swiping some of the batteries for himself. While Gamora secures her prisoner for the journey, Drax gives Peter advice on love.
Drax: There are two types of beings in the universe, those who dance, and those who do not. You just need to find a woman who is pathetic like you.
Nebula: [being tied up] I'm hungry. Hand me some of that yaro root.
Gamora: No. It's not ripe yet. And I hate you.
On their way to the planet Xandar, the Guardians are suddenly being followed.
Peter: This is weird. We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora: Why would they do that?
Drax: Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket: Dude!
Drax: [awkwardly] Right. He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is.
While the crew express their anger at Rocket, the drones start attacking the Guardian ship. Star-Lord and Rocket squabble over piloting the ship in the middle of the battle.
Peter: You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
Rocket: Oh, it won't be my turd. It'll be Drax's.
Drax: [laughs] I have famously huge turds.
Gamora: Can we put the bickering on hold until after we survive this massive space battle?
Nebula: Idiots!
Drax dons a spacesuit, connects himself to a tether, leaps out the rear of the ship, and begins firing on the last surviving drone hot on their tail.
Drax: Die, spaceship!
Zylak's Frenemy: You suck, Zylak.
Rocket tries to steer the Milano toward a wormhole that will lead them to another planet. In the distance, another craft passes by and starts to destroy the Sovereign drones. A man appears to stand on his ship and wave to the Guardians. The Guardians escape the drones but must crash-land on a nearby planet.
Rocket: Do you know why I did it, Star-Munch? Hmm?
Peter: I'm not gonna answer to "Star-Munch."
Rocket: I did it because I wanted to!
Peter: Dick.
Rocket: What are we even talking about this for? We just had a little man save us by blowing up fifty ships!
Drax: How little?
Rocket holds his thumb and forefinger close together.
Rocket: Well, I don't know, like this?
Gamora: [skeptically] A little one-inch man saved us?
Rocket: Well, if he got closer, I'm sure he would be much larger.
Peter: It's how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
Rocket: Don't call me a racoon!
Peter: I'm sorry. I took it too far. I meant trash panda.
Rocket looks around in confusion.
Rocket: Is that better?
Drax: I don't know.
Peter: [snickering] It's worse. It's so much worse.
As the Guardians observe the wreckage of their ship, the other ship that saved them descends. Stepping out is Ego, who reveals himself to be Peter's father. With him is his empathic assistant Mantis (Pom Klementieff).
On another planet, Yondu Udonta (Michael Rooker) and his team of Ravagers have fallen on hard times. He is staying in a nearby hotel (where Howard The Duck is also in attendance).
Howard the Duck: [to a lady] So how about a round with the duck?
Yondu spots his old comrade Stakar Ogord (Sylvester Stallone), who has exiled Yondu from the Ravager team for child trafficking.
Yondu: You can go to hell, then! I don't give a damn what you think of me!
Stakar: So what are you following us for?
Yondu: Because you're gonna listen to what I gotta say!
Stakar: I don't gotta listen to nothing! You betrayed the code! Ravagers don't deal in kids.
Yondu: I told you before! I didn't know what was going on!
Stakar: You didn't know because you didn't want to know because it made you rich. If you think I took pleasure in exiling you, you're wrong. You broke all our hearts.
Among the Ravagers is Taserface (Chris Sullivan), who thinks the Ravagers need a new leader, along with Kraglin (Sean Gunn), who has since also come to question Yondu's leadership. After Yondu finishes talking to Stakar, the Sovereigns arrive, and Ayesha approaches Yondu with a proposition.
Peter is still in shock to finally be meeting his father.
Ego: I hired Yondu to pick you up after your mother passed away. But, instead of returning you, Yondu kept you. I have no clue as to why.
Peter: I'll tell ya why; I was a skinny little kid who could slip into places adults couldn't. Made it easier for thieving.
Ego: Well, I've been trying to track you down ever since.
Drax: I thought Yondu was your father.
Peter: What? You're trying to tell me that this whole time, you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?
Drax: You look exactly alike!
Rocket: One's blue!
Peter: No, he's not my father! Yondu was the guy who abducted me, kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight and kept me in terror by threatening to eat me.
Ego: [shocked] Eat you?
Peter: Yeah.
Ego: Oh, that son of a bitch!
Peter still also doesn't understand why Ego left Meredith in the first place. He invites Peter and his friends to his planet.
Ego: I promise you it's unlike any other place you've ever seen. And there I can explain your very special heritage. Finally get to be the father I've always wanted to be. Excuse me. I've gotta take a whiz.
Peter is hesitant until Gamora convinces him to join his father.
Gamora: What was that story you told me about Zardu Hasselfrau?
Peter: [confused] Who?
Gamora: He owned a magic boat?
Peter: . . . . David Hasselhoff?
Gamora: Right.
Peter: Not a magic boat. A talking car.
Gamora: Why did he talk again?
Peter: To help him fight crime, and to be supportive!
Gamora: What if this man is your Hasselhoff?
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